Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
