Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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