pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
