my being single is dangerous.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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