Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
