Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
