my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How's work?
Spinning.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
