Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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