I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
