i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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