You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
