i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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