He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
