speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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