Soap is not a condiment
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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