you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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