he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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