just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
