nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
