This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
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I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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