haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
