Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
