i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
