i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
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you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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