Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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