Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
