Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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