if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
