When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you never un-have a 4some
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