I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Where is the hickey?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
