Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
