i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
