The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
