i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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