Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
