She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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