he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
