I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
