I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
