When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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