God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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