I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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