he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
