It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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