Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
