theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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