If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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