worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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