yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
