Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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