That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
