And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
