You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
