I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The beer is more important than you right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
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