i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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