When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
