Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
