You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
