I must be too annoying 4 u.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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