If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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