I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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