Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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