You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
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I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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