So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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