Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think my moral compass just broke
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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