I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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