I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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