Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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