According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
