I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Randomize
